People around me wants to have a Master Degree, they want to take ACCA and CFA, they want their investment portfolio to increase by X percent, they want to be private bankers - wear a rolex buy a chanel. And honestly, I want none of these.

I just want to travel. Very simple, that is all.

As much as I try to be happy, I can't.

I feel affected by other people's mood. Things they say. Things they do.

I feel that people around me are beneath what I expect from them, and they, unfortunately, disappoint me.

Greatly.

In a very sensitive and unhappy zone now.

This date was marked as one of the toughest day in my life. Losing someone so precious and loved by all. The house is never the same without him around, there is emptiness and everyone is still trying to get over the loss.

I got the news from my mom via SMS. It was a normal afternoon for me, home alone and I was about to cook my brunch. And this shocking news immediately broke me into tears..

I gave boyfriend a call and he rush back home, he had a hard time comforting me and get me ready to go over to grandma place. My tears are like tap water, cry non-stop. No one understands this pain, how much I want him to be there during my wedding ceremony.

I miss him so much, I hope he is doing well at the other side. Rest in peace grandpa.

It's another year passed for Brother. It's his 21st, gona meet him at a pub later, along with his friends. Dont really know all of them but it's his birthday so how can I miss it. I hope everything will go well cause there are some conflict or some negative stuff I didnt like. But that's personal issues, not gona drag it into the picture and spoil his day. Hope it will be a great night because this year his birthday I didnt get to spend much time with him or I should say throughout this world year the chances that we met are very little, only spoke when we need to or meet up if there's MJ session. Sad eh, but I think this is part and pancel of life. I love him, still. Happy birthday, Brother.

当我对着你们嘻嘻哈哈时…请不要认为我就是开心的…因为在我的笑声背后隐藏了很多很多的悲伤还有疲惫…

Once you gain something, you bound to lose something.

It's a bad start of august, for me. Blame it on the weather, blame it on lonely sunday but the ultimate fault comes from you.

That day you gain a hug, now you lose my trust, tomorrow you may lose your lifetime partner.

Be it she hug you, you didn't hug her. Or you didn't let but she did. She hug you, you got no choice. Such excuses are just not acceptable.

Yet, it was posted publicly for all to view and you were tagged in it too. How will your friends, or my friends think about it? What will be the thoughts of my parents? What should the explanation be? "No lah, they just good friends. I was there, nothing one lah."

Will they believe? Today you let her hug, tomorrow you hug her. What else? There's always limitation to things, so what if she's your good friend? So what if you say there's nothing? But everything starts from zero, we started from there too.

And the fact that I was there, you didn't even show the minimum respect a partner should do. You could have ask her to put her arms away, you could have reminded her I was there and I could see it.

I really lost trust in you. You make me feel how much you don't treasure your partner and how much you don't respect me.

Yesterday, you could happily show it to me and your friends; like you are proud of it. Although you said that you didnt happily show me but just want to let me know. That you tell me and never hide from me.

Fine. Put yourself in my shoes, I did the same thing. I hugged another guy or I let another guy hugged me without any rejection at all. And I told you, and show you the picture. How would you feel? Don't you think that it's too much!

There's no point in apologising. Because I can say it hundreds and thousands times, over and over again. But my actions were done, and no changes shown yet. Who will believe me? Who will trust me again?

Just one mistake, one is enough to tear everything that we built for so long. Because the imagine of she hugged you or you hugged her will be flashed back.

I just need some time away. Now as your girlfriend you can let other girls do this with my presence. Who knows next time after marriage what will happen..

I'm truly disappointed.

Grandpa is in hospital, again. I'm so worried for his condition, recently he has been in and out of hospital more frequent. I know he's in good hands of the nurses and doctors, I know he will be okay, I know he is strong, I know he is brave, I know he will be there to receive the cup of tea from Bby & me.

All of us, waiting for you to be home. Stay strong grandpapa!

There so much things that are yet to be prepared for our big day. I know that there's still quite some time to the day itself, but it seems like our list of things to be done can never be cleared.

Every girl dream to have her ideal big day, her dream wedding, her pretty special day.. Me too. And I know that I will do whatever it takes to make that day the way we imagine it to be. I want every detail to be prefect and will go to great lengths to make sure it is.

I hope that with the big day drawing nearer, I can be handle the stress of the preparation, the money problem, the stupid work load and of course his family problem.

No matter what happens, I'm marrying my prince charming.

So often, people take for granted what they have, and they don't realize just how lucky they are. If you can maintain a sense of loyalty and indebtedness and thankfulness for those who have added something to your life, you will become stronger emotionally and your power will be magnified. Never lose sight of the fact that you are who you are because many people have contributed something important to your life.

Today is a special day! Not our anniversary not any of our birthday. But I'm so soo soooooo excited :D Shall not say why yet..

Went back Dunearn Second for Lor Mee. Its my all time favorite food during my Secondary school days. A dollar is all that it takes to settle my daily recess meal.

Those were the young and carefree days. Although I didn't enjoy part of my Secondary School days, those are memories and obstacles in my life. I've gain and i've loss, people come and they left, few stayed. And till today we're still in contact.

It's been quite a journey so far, with huge downs and moderating ups. I don't expect every of my friends or close ones to like me, I have my nasty side but I definitely have my great part as friend. But I would say, it's fate that brought us to meet, it's destined that made us close friends, but it's up to us to maintain the friendship between us.

Those whom hang on with my stupid temper and nonsensical attitude, or maybe used to them. Congratulate, you made it through and I hope you could continue to tolerate. Those that failed, I'm thankful for being there for me before.

Soon I'll be stepping into my next stage of life, more things to learn and experience. With much excitement and little nervous, I am looking forward to it. I'm gona be on my own, of course my parents will still be there but minimum relies on them. I wish everything will be almost smooth sailing, if there is any storm, the first person to hear me complain/nags is my poor partner.

Sometimes I'm amazed by him. He is such a wonderful match to me, able to compromise my negative side. But of course I do too. All in all, I hope I will enjoy the future ahead. And people around me to be happy with their lives, able to find their life goal and happiness..

every girls wish to have their dream wedding. a romantic proposal. a place that has a special significance, somewhere with a nice, romantic ambience. it doesn't have to be extravagant. all that is required is some innovation, excitement and lots of sincerity. it's a once in a life time occasion. but will my dream come true?

It's been so long since I step into my little space, and write about my daily life, to pen down my thoughts or feelings. Of cos there's so much to say, but often laziness takes the better of me. It's been a great 2010 so far, and I hope it continue to be better each day.

A great countdown marks a great year. And I believe that. I will never forget that awesome night at PLAY.

I've got a job with much higher pay, definitely good benefits but the job scope CMI. I'll still work hard for my pretty next year, but I know this is not somewhere I wana stay for long.

And of cos I put on some weight, maybe more than some. Aiya, too much sugar rush from this loving relationship. But now I'm back to diet days, gotta watch my diet again. Serve me right yea. Hahahaa.

Everyday seems more or less like a routine between work and home. Weekends usually with Bby and friends, sometimes go back home or grandma place. Really miss home very much at times, miss dad's voice, miss moma's naggings, miss leon's irritating actions, miss talking to little sis before sleeping. I guess this is homesick.

Now staying out, everything got to be settled by myself. House chores, bills, food, transport, everything.. Sometimes not happy also don't know where to complain or whine to. I feel bad cos Bby is the only one I usually spend most time with, so he tend to listen a lot of the upset runts. But of cos, within there are unhappy stuff closely related to his life. Yet he got to hear them too.

I miss those days where I can pour everything out to Bro or Moma. Now everyone so busy with their own stuff, no one is talking anymore.

Hai.

Life goes on no matter what. I have new good friends to runt to, I will survive! (Random)

It's new year eve, last day of the year. Thinking back, so much things took place this year. And I spent half a year doing nothing much, completing my diploma, waste money and time on the licence. Tomorrow it's a new day, a new year, a brand new start. Gona pull up my socks, and work hard. Enough of breaks, time to hard back to work!

P.S. I felt so sad now. Cos dad says that he's on half day today and ask if I will be going home in the afternoon. But I couldnt make it, hopefully this weekend can make it up to him. Miss him. Not forgetting my other dearest family members!


Happy New Year everyone, 2009 was great, I believe 2010 will be better!

Fish.. Amanda... (Well, it's another "Amanda")

These two names are not often mentioned here. But they're good friends from my poly days. I haven been seeing them for a year or more?! And meeting them, seeing them again is so good. Although I'm kinda quiet and doesnt initiate conversation, but we still managed to do some talking and have some laughing (:

Though the day ended with fish going off first and me accompanied Amanda to Sim Lim to search for her stuff. Walking round and round, up and down, kinda tires me. Still I place that smile on my face and continue walking..

Mr. Boyfriend came to pick me up, kinda relief and happy cause I get to see him after a long day. Hugged Amanda Goodbye and I happily ran to the car :D